![]() It is never appropriate or RIGHT to smack or put down a child, NEVER, full stop. Every time I myself lashed out at people close to me, my children or my partner, I was in fact lashing out at you.Īll children that are born into this world have the right to be loved and nurtured “unconditionally” and made felt safe and secure in the process. Only until recently have I realized that emotional and physical harm this has caused me and people around me all of my adult life. I have been suppressing the memories and the emotions of my childhood all my life, denying the child inside of me the justice of being heard and empathized with. It is that of a forced emotion and it is all that you have ever known yourself due to your own childhood. Your own meaning of love is a twisted idea of guilt, duty and redemption. Also I do understand what it is to love another person, friend, partner or child, unconditionally and I had to learn this on my own. You were correct about me not loving you but most definitely wrong about the smacking. Last time we spoke you told me that you didn’t smack me enough as a child and that I both didn’t really love you nor understood the meaning of the word love itself. I hope that it can help others to see more clearly for themselves. This was two years ago and a lot has happened since… culminating in myself writing this letter to my mum a few days ago. At the time I didn’t quite understand the significance of this as I have forced myself to believe that my mum did the best that she could and that I should always be grateful to her, despite what my own body and the subconscious mind were telling me. I was surprised that during my first eleven day mediation retreat, instead of what I suspected would be a flood of emotions regarding my ex wife and my children, I was inundated with images of my own childhood and my own mother. This doesn’t mean that I haven’t been making an effort in finding a way to move forward and helping them with their emotional development, has been my utmost priority. As it stands my two sons are ten and twelve years of age respectively and have already suffered a degree of emotional damage that I’m not sure can be undone. The sad thing is that many people would still today agree that the punishments we dished out on our children were appropriate and in keeping with the moral code of society today, if only a few of our friends spoke out against this sooner, I might have been forced to wake up to myself beforehand. This only further perpetrated our misguided parenting methods, furthering my own feelings of guilt and shame. My wife, with whom I have separated over two years ago, also comes from an abusive and unloving environment and as a result, suffers serious depression, self esteem and health issues. This was of great concern to me as I’ve always said to myself that I would never repeat her parenting mistakes when my turn would come. My motives were initially to help me deal better with my own two sons as I have been noticing continuation of the same abusive behaviour toward them from myself as was inflicted upon by my own mother. ![]() starting with attending intense mediation retreats. ![]() I have embarked on a personal development journey over the past two years. I recently read your book “The Body Never Lies” and have found this of great help. ![]() Thank you for helping me understand the obvious and for the first time at 40 see my life with some level of clarity.
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